As we are all wont to do from time to time, I wanted to expand my kitchen repertoire this holiday season.  I’ve never made candy before.  Along that line, I have never made fudge before.  It’s quite stupid that I’ve never made fudge before because I’m really quite fond of the stuff.  Whenever I’m in a place that sells fudge, I’m sure to buy a brick for joyful noshing.  Well this year was my year to shine as a fudge maker.  If only it had worked out that way.  I set out to make three different fudges.  Two are currently sitting in my refrigerator waiting to be eaten and one is resting in peace in my trash can.  Oddly enough, the fudge that I destroyed gave me the least amount of trouble.

The first fudge that I made is fudge in name only.  It’s really melted chocolate and condensed milk with peanut butter swirled through it.  It’s entirely too soft and doesn’t set up into anything more substantial than goo.  This is the fault of the recipe, not me.  It’s good…smooth and melt-in-your-mouth, it’s just not really fudge.  Here’s the recipe.

Easy Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge

Kraft

1 package (8 oz.) semi-sweet chocolate (this recipe calls for a name brand [I HATE THAT] chocolate, but you can use 1 oz. blocks of chips.  Doesn’t matter.)

1 can (14 oz.) sweet condensed milk

2 tsp. vanilla

1/2 cup peanut butter

Line 8-inch square pan with foil, with ends of foil extending over the sides.

Microwave chocolate and milk in bowl on high for 2-3 minutes or until chocolate is almost melted, stirring after 2 minutes.  Stir until chocolate is melted, using pot holders on hot bowl.  Blend in vanilla.  Drop peanut butter by tsp. over fudge after you spread chocolate into pan.  Cut through peanut butter with a knife several times for marble effect.  If you want it to be cut into squares, freeze it.

That one was done and in the freezer in no time.  It was the next batch of fudge that caused me the most trouble and the near-heart attack.  REAL fudge requires a bit of candy making.  You have to melt down some sugar and cook it until it reaches a “soft ball” stage which is achieved when the sugar reaches about 235 degrees F or thereabouts.  I had my candy thermometer ready and was itching to have my first go at it.

I wish I had a mentor who could have warned me.  I wish some of the articles I read online had the warning that I needed.  When the sugar comes to a boil, it foams up…..a lot.  If the pan you are using looks big enough, think again.  You need to be using a pan that looks much bigger than what you need so that you can avoid what happened to me.  Lucky for you, I am here to tell you about my massive fail so that you can learn from my stupidity.

It started out fine.  The sugar was at a slow bubble as the recipe told me to do.  Then as it got hotter, it foamed up and started overflowing from my pot.  I stared at it for a minute, mildly annoyed until it occurred to me that this was not hot water I was watching pool at the bottom of my electric stove’s drip pan.  It was molten sugar and I had better freaking do something about it!  So I yelled a few obscenities, lowered the heat and let the sugar mixture get to it’s intended temperature before mixing it with the other ingredients and setting it aside to harden.  I looked at the metal heating coil on my stove coated in a thick layer of molten sugar.  The drip pan below was positively filled with the stuff.  There was no way I was going to be able to clean it any time soon..so I did what I have done a million other times when I get goop on my heating coil.  I turned that sucker up to high to let it burn off.  That was going great until the mess in the drip pan got overheated and burst into flames.  Tall flames.  You read that right, I caught my freaking stove on fire.  I hopped from one foot to the other screaming, “OH SHIT!” looking anxiously at my handy dandy kitchen fire extinguisher wondering if I should use it or not.  Then the little voice in my head that has kept my butt in one piece so far screamed at me, “TURN THE HEAT OFF, STUPID!”  I listened and the flames died down and the mess in the drip pan that was once molten sugar was now a pile of burnt sugar ash.  No real damage was done and I was left slightly shaken, but ok.

The bad thing is, the fudge that I was making was a beloved recipe from my grandmother.  Peanut Butter Candy it’s called.  Although the candy itself turned out great and I ate my first bite of the stuff with relish, I will always remember it being my first foray into candy-making….and I almost burned my house down doing it.  Here’s the recipe.

Peanut Butter Candy

My Grandma Ross

4-1/2 cups white sugar

1 stick butter

1 can evaporated milk

Boil to soft ball stage.

Mix the following:

1 cup peanut butter

2 tsp. vanilla

1 (13 oz.) jar marshmallow creme

Do not heat.  Pour into 9X13 inch pan.  Set aside to harden.

It’s easy and it’s the BEST peanut butter fudge ever.  I’m not biased there.  Ok, well maybe a little.

The third fudge that I tried was the fudge recipe provided to me on the back of a jar of marshmallow fluff.  I’m not going to share a recipe.  I messed it up and the mistake was a STUPID mistake.

Being a bit gun shy from my first attempt at candy making, I decided to play it safe and use an enormous pan to melt the sugar this time.  Well, the pan has a very wide bottom so there was a lot of direct heat contact with the sugar.  In hindsight I know now that I should have lessened the cooking time…and maybe used the damned candy thermometer.  I know that in hindsight.  What happened was I cooked the sugar too long, and when I added the chocolate to it, the sugar seized up and turned rock hard on me.  It got thrown in the garbage with a fare thee well and my middle finger waving it goodbye.

At least after all of that I DID manage to get some actual fudge from the experience.

This just goes to show you that we all make mistakes.  And sometimes they are massively huge mistakes that are embarrassing and stupid.  This is my gift to you.

Enjoy!